As a pastor in a community that is largely single, I am often asked questions about relationships. In the process there are a lot of things to talk through. In the end however, it usually ends with the same advice; choose the better story.
It amazes me how often we choose the safe story. It’s not a story we would like to read about. It’s not a story we would watch a movie about. No, it’s just the safe story. We love to celebrate the guy who leaves it all behind to go see about a girl‚ (Goodwill Hunting). We love to celebrate the guy who sits with his wife suffering from Alzheimers and reads back the memories of their life together, (The Notebook) but we don’t even dare begin to head down those paths.
I’ve become obsessed with The Philanthropist this summer, (it’s a great show on NBC you can catch it online if you missed it) and in the process I’ve had to ask some really tough questions. Would I go to such great lengths to impact lives of those suffering around the world? What would I think if Caden (my son) decided to live that life? What if he died at the age of fighting the sex trade? What if he was kidnapped trying to deliver food to starving people? What kind of story do I want him to live?
Choose the better story. I believe that in life God has given us principles and guidance toward winning. He has given us a clear picture of what it means to live our lives to the fullest potential. A lot of that instruction has more to do with our day to day lives and relationships than it does with our general direction in life. He tends to be more concerned with us learning to ‘be quick to listen and slow to speak‚’ than He is with what we choose as a career. He believes (as the one who designed us) that our joy has more to do with our character than our direction. He believes that our love has more to do with our experience of Him than it does with choosing the right person. In light of this I find that He is often silent in many of our choices. I don’t believe it’s because he doesn’t care. I believe it’s because he would rather instruct us in how to handle either direction than instruct us in which one to take. Otherwise. we may begin to believe that making the right career choice will determine our joy. It won’t.
That leaves us with a lot of freedom. Wise men taught me to evaluate several things in making decisions in life.
What do you know God is telling you? We often ignore what we know and search for the unknown.
What roles do you have in your life that you know God wants you to fill? As a husband you can’t make a choice that will go against what we know God has told a husband to be and do.
What principles play into the situation? Sometimes, God hasn’t been clear about something but He has given us principles to live by that speak to the situation.
For many decisions this will eliminate any uncertainty, but sometimes you still end up with the freedom to choose. That’s where the better story comes into play.
You see when we get to the end and we still have a choice I believe in choosing the better story. Do you walk away from the long-distance relationship because it’s not likely to work out? That’s a lame story. It’s actually a better story to try and fail. Do you avoid asking her out because she’s likely to say no? Lame story. Ask her out and get turned down; better story. Ask her out and find the girl of your dreams; even better.
Do you leave the nice job to start a business that provides food for thousands of starving kids, or do you stay where you are? Try and fail; better story.
For some reason we’ve fooled ourselves into thinking that the best story is the safe story. However, our hearts know differently. Our culture has taught us that failure is the worst story. Our history teaches us that failure usually leads to the greatest stories of all. I’m not sure what decisions you’re facing but if I can inject one piece of advice—choose the better story!
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