Discipline

I’m having this incredible conversation right now with someone in our church community about this idea of discipline and the role it plays in our relationship with God.  I wanted to share part of my response to him tonight. 

 The second reason it is important for you to understand how God uses discipline is the way it will affect you as a future parent.  I was shocked the day that my professor told me he never punished his children.  Until I understood grace.  God is leading us to demonstrate grace which means we do not bring pain into our children’s lives to ask them to pay for what they’ve done.  That is a shallow understanding of the payment that is required.  No, we teach that Christ has paid for what they’ve done.  We are disciplining them which means that although it’s paid for, we are going to bring things into their lives that will teach about the pain that comes from living the way they are choosing to live.  This isn’t because of what you’ve done, this is because I love you and want you to realize that if you continue to do this it’s going to cause extreme pain.  I’m going to bring small amounts of pain and frustration into your life in connection with these choices in order to teach you that these choices lead to great amounts of pain and frustration.  I am not angry about what happened, I am not mad, I am not disappointed in you, I only love you.  That’s why this is necessary.  Sometimes the most effective discipline doesn’t have to do with pain at all.  In Les Misérables, the Priest is disciplining Jean Valjean when he gives him all of their silver.  He had the chance to bring punishment but instead chose discipline.  He realized that it wasn’t pain that would guide Jean Valjean, but rather mercy.  If you don’t get that as a parent, you’ll miss what God is leading you to be in your child’s life.  When we enter into a relationship with Christ there is nothing that is not paid for.  There is no place for punishment.  God may bring things into our lives that are difficult but it’s never punishment.  He is always guiding and teaching us.  He is always leading us to be everything we were created to be.